Would you believe it? It’s almost the end of March and I’m embarrassed to say I’ve only just completed my year’s goals!!! Better late than never. I started as I meant to go on of course, in fact I started before January was even upon us. To do your goals properly, really you need a concentrated amount of time when you switch off the phone, put on some music to inspire you, and then you let your imagination and desires run free and see where they take you. Hmmm. Couldn’t have been more different this year.
For a start, being a life coach, I like to make sure I’m using the best system so that I can teach it to my clients and workshop attendees, so this year I tampered with the systems I usually use and ended up using an amalgamation of both! Then, being a mother of 3 active young kids, of course I didn’t get to do it all in one sitting – not by a long shot. So whilst the first sit down session was one with the phone off and music, by the time I got round to the last (yesterday) I was sitting in the hubbub of Costa, in between one errand and another, just getting it done.
Tell you what though there is something to be said for the ‘spaced repetition’ method. Over the course of the 3 months or so it has taken me, I’ve had to look over my desired outcomes and really think about them a number of times. You know what I realised yesterday? That just in reminding myself of them regularly, I’ve actually done quite a few of them already 🙂 I was able to cross a number of things off before they even made it onto my official list for the year.
I’ve also learned two things about the methods I use. Years ago I used to use the method a brilliant coach, Phillip Humbert http://www.philiphumbert.com/ made available to download. But I’ve also vacillated between that and the Wheel of Life method taught by Tony Robbins. This year I’ve decided for once and for all that I actually like the wheel of life method (with my adaptations to it) better. What I’ve learnt from PH though is the addition of the category of ‘Environment’ which I’m now going to add to the other categories I use: Family, Finances, Professional, Fun, Health, Spiritual, Relationship, Friendships, Contribution and Growing. And something else I’ve realised is that while every year your goal setting method invariably asks you to write down all your most farfetched and long term dreams in each area, you then only pick the most short term ones to work on. Now some of those farfetched long term things I really want, so I’m adding another category: ‘Plans’.
So who wants to know what I’m focusing on this year (now that I finally know!!!)? Here’s a short selection: Create an amazing summer, full of mountains and lakes etc, Make monthly inspirational hangout at my house, Read an enlightening book a month, Run a weekly personal development class, Write to change the world, Build my internet presence, Lovingly give each child their hour a week, Get 6-8 hours sleep a night, Put all birthdays on outlook and synchronise to phone, Grow my enlightened presence within my marriage. There are more of course – too many to list here! I know you’re supposed to emerge with three or four desired outcomes to focus on … but I don’t like to do things by halves…
So now let me ask you … I’m sure you’ve been far more organised than me and got your goals done in January – so the end of March is the end of the First Quarter of the year…. how are your goals going … come on now – I want answers! And for those of you that got delayed, like me, and haven’t finished, or even haven’t started, well are you going to wait till next January, or are you going to get going NOW? How are you supposed to have the life you want, if you haven’t even defined what you want? I want to hear some goals and desired outcomes, people!!! For those who are scared to comment in WordPress, if you comment in Facebook I will bring your comments over to WP – how’s that for an offer? And by the way, why do you think I told you some of my desired outcomes? So you could hold me to them! If you tell everyone what you want to achieve, you’re far more likely to achieve it – it’s people power!
Now is the time either to be re-evaluating your goals and how far you’ve got on them, or at least stating them before another year goes by. I’m not going to go into a full on goal setting session now – I’ll save that for the New Year. Just remember, ask for your heart’s desires – if you don’t ask you don’t get, be careful what you ask for, and make sure they’re things that you can bring about yourself – ie: that don’t rely on anyone else.
Here’s to persisting and getting things done (eventually 😮 ), and here’s to the life of your desires!
It was 2001. After two very difficult years, I had just emerged from university with a Masters in Psychology, and miraculously had managed to get my bank balance back up to exactly zero at the same time. I didn’t have too much else – I had no idea what I was supposed to do with my life in so many arenas. It was like I was stepping off a shaky platform and … into a black hole. Then onto our doormat fell an advertising postcard for a Tony Robbins event.
Several years prior to that my NLP trained driving instructor who also doubled as my unofficial mentor at the time had put a copy of Robbins book ‘Unleash the Power Within’ in my hands. The book really spoke to me, so when I saw that this guy does events too I thought to myself “I wonder if he’s really the same guy he portrays himself as in his book”. I really didn’t know what else to do with myself at the time, so I put myself back in the red by £650 or so (which I later learnt is WAY too much to pay for one of those tickets) and went along to Unleash the Power Within – the event.
I have a principal in life that if I’m going to do something, then I do it thoroughly. I had just paid a huge sum of money for someone coming out of university to be at this gig and was investing a long weekend so I really took part! I scribbled down everything the man said, I yelled out the answers to all the questions asked from the stage and I fully engaged in every activity he lead. By the end of the event I was enlightened and exhausted.
There comes a point towards the end of these things where they try and sell you further amazing events for lots more money. So Tony had told everyone about his ‘Mastery University’ and said something like “so if you want to experience all that and you want to get it at this and this fantastic price then go, go, go!” and perhaps 3000 of the 5000 people in the auditorium streamed out of the doors to go and find out about getting on to the next stage. The stands started to empty out. There I stood, the lines of the tears I had cried in the last exercise still drying on my face, knowing I could never afford to travel all over the world to all these further events and yet desperate for more inspiration in my life. And I suddenly thought “I have to speak to this man”.
I made my way down from the stars, pushing against the crowd and to the front of the stage where Tony was talking to a few people. In just another five minutes or so crowds of people would return to the auditorium with the same idea but absolutely no hope of getting to the front. I only had to wait for a couple of people in front of me and I was talking with the man himself. I started to pour out my story. Trouble was, with all the crowd in the background I couldn’t hear a word he was saying, even though he was sitting on one of the huge speakers at the front of the stage. Like a two way mind read I reached up and he reached down and he pulled me up on to the edge of the stage so that we could talk into each others ears and have some hope of being heard. He has this story he tells about how before he started doing what he does his biggest worry was whether his car would hold together for the journey to work. I told him that my car was exactly the same! I told him that I had no money and no idea what to do with myself and was desperately unhappy. That I really wanted to go to the next series of events he was running, but there was no way I could afford it. And this is what he shouted in my ear (I might be paraphrasing a bit):
“I have a feeling that you have a problem with money. You think money is bad in some way. But actually money is very good. Look at all the things we have achieved with money. We do a lot of charity work – we wouldn’t be able to do that without money. You need to change your attitude to money and then everything will change for you. And if you really want to go to Mastery University the money will come”.
I thanked him and got down from the stage. I did actually go to Mastery University, which involved a lot of world travel and sleeping in cars etc and it was paid for by a whiplash injury I got, but that is another story in itself! Tony Robbins is one of the reasons I got into what I do, and I don’t know who gets more out of it, my clients or I.
He was absolutely right about the money thing. I had grown up skint. And it seemed to me that anyone around me who had money was full of themselves, and lorded it over the rest of us peasants. In my community I felt like a little nothing because I had nothing to show for myself. That people didn’t talk to me because I wasn’t wealthy enough for them. Indeed there was a big part of me that felt that ever getting money and any form of financial stability would make me into a horrible person. I think I mentally chose rather to be poor than horrible.
I am happy to say that over the years my attitude to money and people with money has changed considerably. As I traveled and widened my horizons I met many people who had loads of money and were still really nice! I learnt that money is far more of a blessing than a curse – if you know what do to with it. My bank balance has also changed somewhat though there is still plenty of room for improvement 🙂
Back to now … I’ve been having a financial sort out in the last few weeks. An old school teacher of mine once compared what you have in your life to the water inside a big tea urn. He said “if you want more to be poured in from the top, you have to let water out from the tap at the bottom.” I truly think he was on to something there. For the last few years every time someone gave one of my children a tenner or whatever for a birthday present I was lazy to put it in their account for them, and have been stockpiling the envelopes. Then every time I didn’t have cash to pay the cleaner or whatever I’d end up borrowing the birthday money, so these envelopes had IOU’s written all over them. Well I’ve sorted it all out. I worked out what I owed and I’ve paid everybody back, or will do shortly. Also, being Jewish, I have a law (or maybe a custom) that tells me to give 10% of everything I earn to charity. I owe a bit of money that way too. Now I’ve worked out exactly what I owe, and I’m going to pay that back as well. You see if you want it to flow in from the top you do have to let it out at the bottom! The two other things I remember that teacher saying was that he reckoned I’d hold some form of communal responsibility when I grew up (right again, Sir) and some reference to receiving a giraffe-shaped jumper as a gift!
So how are your finances? What is your attitude to money like? – be honest now. These are tough financial times for all. The rich are suffering along with the poor – some of the wealthiest individuals have taken some of the biggest tumbles. It isn’t easy for many people. In the midst of all this, changing your attitude to money can be challenging … and yet it’s essential if you want more to flow your way.
All together now (in the words of The Secret, I believe): “Money flows freely and abundantly into my life” say it like you mean it and say it often. Think rich, feel rich, act rich and talk rich. Remember, your reality follows your FEELINGS. Do what it takes to feel great and feel abundant and your reality is obliged to match that. If all else fails, remember the best things in life really are free, so we’re all rich anyway.
Here’s to your wealth and mine!
Ever noticed how dogs and their masters often really do look alike? The same applies to older couples, who often take on a similar look and manner as the years go by. In the same vein if you had to play ‘match the living room/bedroom/office’ in which you were given a bunch of pictures of peoples personal spaces and then some pictures of people who might own them you could probably match them up.
Why is this? Well it turns out your granny was right when she told you to hang out with a good crowd, in nice places. Because we humans we’re pretty porous beings. You are not only what you eat, you are also where you spend your time and who you spend it with. You are even what you spend your time doing, as well as what you see, hear and say. Surround yourself with toxicity and eventually you have to breathe it in. On the other hand if you surround yourself with enlivening and enlightening people and things, well, you can’t help but be affected.
Let’s take a look at some of those elements:
You are what you eat – purely in a physical sense if you eat trash, guess what building blocks you’re giving your body to build itself up with? Take a look at your diet. If you’re living on chips and fizzy drinks it isn’t doing you any favours. This is one of my personal soapbox topics, so I’ll resist the temptation to go on about it for days, except to say that if you know your diet is less than healthy, perhaps now is the time to take an audit, and see what you can cut out or reduce and which healthy elements you can bring in instead. I’ll always remember a video clip that we saw at a Tony Robbins Event – I think it was ‘Unleash the Power Within’, where this guy had had a heart attack. The heart surgeon had to go in and try to clear some of the tubes, and he found them to be full of what looked and smelled exactly like white greasy meat fat. On a whim he asked the man what he’d had for dinner. Burger and fries. If you don’t want that stuff kicking around inside you, don’t eat it!
Oh and by the way, have you ever played this game? At the supermarket look at what people are buying and then look at the people themselves. It almost always matches! The people with conveyor belts full of snacks and fatty meats, and neon coloured fizzy drinks etc etc, are almost always overweight, pale and exhausted, whilst those who load up on the fruit and veg, a little fish, whole grains etc etc are light on their feet and full of energy. See, now you have something to do when stuck in a long supermarket line!!!
You are where you are – your physical environment affects you. Just as the earth seems to shape its inhabitants depending on which part of the globe you occupy, every environment you’re a part of will affect you. Do you live in clutter (embarrassed cough)? Maybe it’s time we had a clear out! Do you live in a beautiful, natural place? When you look out of the window do you see concrete and graffiti … if you do, is it at least good graffiti?!?
Many people don’t realise just how important environment is. If you set up the physical world you occupy so that it supports and nurtures you, life suddenly becomes easier and your goals get closer. If you study or work from home, do you have a desk to do that at? Do you have places for all the important things in your life? What do you decorate your home with? Why not surround yourself with reminders of the good people and things in your life!
You are who you are with – sorry, but ‘fraid so! You are, or you become who you hang out with. Ever noticed how people who work or spend time with kids are often younger at heart than those who never see a child? There’s a reason for that. Take a look at your friends. Can you respect them? Is there something about each one of them that inspires you? Would you like it if you had to take responsibility for some of the things they do? We’re not looking for perfection here – there’s no such thing – we just want to make sure that the people around us represent different elements of who we want to be … because over time we become those things. I have a theory that this doesn’t just apply to the people you physically hang out with, or even just those you hang out with online. I also truly believe that the people you hang out with by watching them on TV affect you too! So, do you really want to be one of the people in the Big Brother house? Or maybe one of those incredible people that they find from who knows where on those daytime shows where they tell the world about their problems and then try to thump each other and have to be held back by security guards …? Don’t kid yourself that you’re just watching them out of curiosity. If you spend a long time with these guys, there’s a part of them that reflects who you are – or who you’re going to be. So pick what you watch based on what you want for yourself … you want to be funny, happy and light, watch those shows. You want to be inspired and inspiring? Watch those shows and hang out with those kinds of people. You want to be strong, understanding, emotionally stable and well developed? Make sure those people are in your life. With the power of the internet you can bring anyone you like into your life on a daily basis – use the power!
You are what you do – our daily habits and practices shape us. Physically if you choose to work out regularly, that shapes your body. If you choose to wake up at a productive hour and do something that adds value to the world, and you do that regularly, then that’s who you are, or who you become. If you occasionally go the extra mile to help out a friend or stranger, that’s who you become! If you want to be creative, productive, rich, beautiful, happy, healthy etc etc etc, it’s no good just wishing for it, DO what you want to be!
You are what you think and say – and this is where the magic really happens. Sometimes I talk about the things we say as ‘your magic word’. Because what you continually and consistently think about and talk about, will eventually materialise for you, good or bad. I used to have this fear that I’d get out of the car one day and my car keys would fall off my lap into one of the street drains. The fear continued until one day I did exactly that! I had to laugh at myself… and spend a long time fishing around in said drain with two kind builders who happened to be parked there till I got my keys back! So if you spend large portions of your day thinking dark thoughts, or moaning about all the thing that are wrong with the world, or the things that you haven’t got… guess what? Your thoughts and your magic word will create that for you. So think positive thoughts, focus on the good stuff and talk positively whenever you can … and your magic word will create THAT for you, instead!
I can imagine there are a number of people reading this who are a little grumpy with me right now. They’re saying things like “don’t you think you’re taking this a little far? What do you mean I’m the product of my environment and of who I hang out with? You’re saying I have no choice. I’m more intelligent than that, I’m not a puppet on a string!!” And I’m here to tell you that …. YOU’RE RIGHT! Phew, thank goodness for that! Here comes a huge dollop of good news, are you ready?
When all is said and done, we still have choice. Humans are unique in this world in that we are not condemned to just react to the environment around us – we have the capability of shaping the world around us too. You see, the porosity works both ways! The rest of the world is as dependent, as malleable, as vulnerable to being shifted as we are! What are the telling factors? Strength. Intensity. Determination. Single-mindedness. In the interplay between us and the world, the most committed contestant will win. End of story.
So how can we each become the element that influences the world around us, instead of being at its mercy? I believe that if we set up our environment, our habits, our thoughts and all those other things as best we can so that they reflect who we want to become, then we get stronger. If we push past the limits of what we thought we could achieve and go one step further, we are ever growing. There will always be things or people around you that you can’t change. That produce a heavy negative aura and influence. But if you get the rest of your world right, then you become far stronger, and you become the influencing factor. The rest of your environment will start to be affected by YOU. Magical, Beautiful, Integral YOU. Now isn’t that worth getting up in the morning for?
This week, clarify WHO and WHAT you want to be … and then start to shape the things that influence you, so that you become YOU!
Plug for upcoming event:
For the ladies: Here’s a positive thing you could add to your environment … come hang out with my colleague Ronit Gerber and I as we provide you with a cocktail, motivate you to break through your limitations, and give you the opportunity to do a little shopping … it’s all wrapped up in a girl’s night out with a difference!
See here for more details:
For a limited number of applicants I will also provide a complementary half hour telephone or skype life coaching session for those that book through me … see how much I love my blog readers 🙂
Email me to change your life for the better: email@example.com
How do you explain friendship to someone who doesn’t believe in the soul? Pairing up to procreate makes sense to cold, old fashioned evolution, as does having a working buddy – someone you hunt with. But plain, no strings attached friendship? Where does that need for simple companionship come from and why is it sometimes soothed by some individuals that you ‘just feel a link’ with? You can’t tell me that consciousness is just a state emerging from the complexity of the connections in the human mind, and then try to sell me the idea that that consciousness requires friendship. Sorry, I don’t buy it. I think true friendship is a soul thing.
Right, philosopher’s hat off, life coach’s hat on. Friendship was gifted to us, so let’s allow it to serve us and our friends both, as it should. I think we should be giving and receiving things like this:
Just plain fun
Obviously friends are the people to have fun with – if you Google ‘things to do with your friends’ you get a host of silly and fun activities, just for a laugh. Fun and laughter makes the world a happier lighter place, and it is seriously good for your health (I’m not kidding http://www.squidoo.com/normancousins#module12601876) so are you getting enough Vitamin F, and do you have the right people to share it with? Don’t be too groan up now (the spelling error is intentional) get out there and have some fun!
A sense of connection
We humans, we like to feel that we’re a part of something. We like to feel like it matters that we exist, that we hold a piece of being that no one else can hold. That we’re valued for that. How’s your sense of connection with your group of friends? Do your friends ‘get you’? Do you have that link? Or do you need to find more people that you can feel that connection with? If so, where might you find them?
Loving help and protection
Friends look after each other. They’ll drive out in the pouring rain, dragging their kids with them if necessary, if your car breaks down and there’s no one else to rescue you. They’ll bring you a hot soup if you’re down with the flu, or find a few minutes in their crazy busy day to say hi. And if they are so overwhelmed with life they can’t even call you, they still think about you, and smile. A friend stands up for you when everyone else is against you – even if you’re wrong. Doesn’t mean they agree with you, but they will do their best not to let anyone hurt you, even so. How well do you take care of your friends?
Whilst having a laugh is important, feeling a part of something also worthy, and giving/receiving protection can change a life, I think these last 3 points are not to be underestimated:
An experience of reflection
The closest people to us are in a way our greatest therapists. What do I mean by that? Well what does a therapist do? Part of the job of a good therapist is to reflect back to us or help us to see the way we relate to the world, so that we can change what doesn’t serve us. And if you look at the closest people around you, don’t they do the same thing? Our family and our friends constantly hold up a mirror for us so we can see ourselves. (www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsGl-XIWM5Y) If you practice anger you will often find angry friends who reveal you to yourself. If you’re a loving caring person don’t you always see that in the friends around you? If you will ‘do anything for anyone’ don’t you have friends who do that for you? What are your friends reflecting back to you these days?
Safe arms in which to have a revelation
Oh those safe arms of friendship! Someone that you can trust never to desert you, never to intentionally hurt you, someone who deeply cares about you … what a safe place to face your deepest pains and find your way to a solution! What a safe place to reveal those little shards and splinters of your truest self as you discover them and piece them together, knowing that your friend will still accept you as you grow and change, and will delight in your discoveries as much as you do. Do you have a friend that could do this for you? If not, are you being this type of friend?
Someone to hold you to account
A real friend … doesn’t let you get away with self destruction. They will love you and support you whatever you do, but if you truly start to lose yourself they are the ones who will smack your face if they have to and help you get back on track. If you tell your true friend you’re seriously dieting they will wrestle the cookie jar from you. If you tell your true friend that you never, ever want to go out with that kind of girl again, and you mean it, they are the one who will get you by the scruff of the neck and drag you out of there so you don’t get yourself in trouble again. Sometimes your true friend won’t rescue you, because the value of the lesson learnt in a losing pattern repeated would help you more. But they also don’t abandon you. When the house of cards eventually falls down they’re there to help you pick up the pieces and start again, and there to help you build a better house this time. They might even bite their tongue and avoid saying “I told you so!” Held anyone to account lately?
When you think deeply about the blessing of friendship don’t you just feel lucky to be given that? Where would we be without our friends? Let’s take a moment of gratitude for friendship now. When you think of everything your friends have given you, it’s hard not to be grateful. Poet’s hat on (I wish!!!) This has been going round and round in my head for the last few days so I had to chuck it onto the keyboard for you…
To friends past:
friends that have come and gone,
friends lost, friends missed,
friends from the old days,
friends who left a hole in our hearts,
friends who taught us something,
friends who were like family,
friends who were brothers and sisters to us,
friends who never let us down,
friends who left a bit of themselves with us always,
and with whom we left a bit of ourselves.
To friends present:
friends we laugh with,
friends who guide us and we guide,
friends we trust with our deepest pains and joys,
friends we learn from and friends we teach.
Friends we have fun with,
friends who are soul mates,
friends who make life a delight,
friends we pledge ourselves to forever.
To friends future:
to the friends we yearn for,
friends not yet met,
friends that would fill the gap,
friends like a piece of soul missing,
friends we would do anything for,
the friends we wait for,
friends we know are already ours,
even though they are not yet there.
The friends we daydream of having
and so draw closer to ourselves.
To all these friends thank you, bless you and much love to you.
May you always bask in pleasant sunshine,
may your path be easy,
may your rewards be plentiful.
May you reach the heights you aspire to,
may you easily recall your life’s desires
and accomplish them with flair.
May love, fulfilment and abundance be your territory,
and may you be happy always.
This blog is for all my friends, past, present and future, and for friends everywhere, with a great deal of gratitude and love.
This week, nurture your friends!
I’m going to get a teensy bit metaphysical on you today, but I’ll do my best to keep it real 🙂
So I’ve been reading Gregg Braden as followers of this blog will know. I’m really enjoying his books though I find I need to take it slow and digest little bits at a time. Suits me, that’s about as much reading time as I take anyway with three little kiddies running around! What impresses me the most about the man is that he has the rare ability to sit on two sides of a fence at the same time and still make sense. He was an earth sciences expert and computer systems designer, then his interest turned to ancient sacred sites and texts, and he now manages to marry spirituality and science so that they get along. I love that, because sometimes I get so frustrated with those two camps not agreeing that I could just bang their heads together! Anyway…
In ‘The Isaiah Effect’ Braden tells of how (within a class of other students) he saw a healing take place on video, filmed at ‘the medicineless hospital’, Huaxia Zhineng Quigong Clinic and Training Centre in the city of Quinhuangdao, China.
Now follows my précis of a few paragraphs of ‘The Isaiah Effect’:
The footage showed a woman lying awake and fully conscious on her back in a clinical setting, wearing loose clothing with her abdomen exposed, and a nurse using an ultrasound wand to scan her stomach. Immediately behind her stood three medics in white jackets, one of whom started to wave his hands over her face and chest. The footage then focused on the ultrasound image where (as the instructor illustrated to them) a bladder cancer was clearly visible.
The three medics stood behind her and with much concentration began to utter over and over again a single word, which translates into English as ‘already gone’ or ‘already accomplished’. The live image of the cancer as shown by the ultrasound began to quiver and with the rest of the image in perfect focus, started to fade from view. In two minutes and forty seconds the tumour had simply disappeared! The ultrasound image of the bladder was then perfectly healthy. The patient looked on with relief, as the three medics and the nurse conferred and agreed that the healing was complete. They bowed to each other at the waist, and the procedure was finished.
Wow. Now we could have a whole debate about whether the video was a fake or not, but you know we’d be ages and we probably wouldn’t reach a solution as neither you nor I actually met the client or saw the video, so how could we judge. Personally when it’s not absolutely certain whether something is true or not, I like to go along with the convenient theory and see where it takes me. The idea that healing is possible and is verifiable by ultrasound is most convenient to me, so I’m going to run with it – wanna come along?
So here we have an example of being able to control the world with your mind. When I say ‘your’, I see no difference between those three medical healer guys and you or I. If they can do it so can we, if we just learn what they do, and do the same. That’s classic NLP for you. If you want to learn to do something, find someone who’s good at it and model what they do – i.e. copy them.
Here’s more classic NLP – or maybe classic psychology – for you and I quote from the book ‘Talk and Grow Rich’ by Ron G Holland:
“The renowned psychologist, William Moulton Marston, used to get people to rehearse in
their mind’s eye. If someone came to him wanting advice on his or her career he used to get
them to visualize themselves in the “position” they required. “Rehearse the future as it is
desired,” he told them. It is imperative that you see your desires clearly in your mind’s eye,
be they material or intangible goals. Reading your desires, parrot fashion, from a list will
bring no results, whatsoever, and it is essential that you visualize every night and every
morning. It is of no use at all to practice only when you feel like it. It is of the essence that
you believe your goals have already materialized and it is similarly important that you do
not think of how you will achieve such ambitions. As Paracelsus, the great physician, said,
“Those who make room for impressions, receive them.”
I read this book years ago, and that phrase has stuck in my mind – “rehearse the future as it is desired”. NLP does a lot of this. Whatever you wish to accomplish, a good NLP practitioner will have you rehearsing in your mind the state of things as you wish them to be, in full colour and detail, using visual, auditory and kinaesthetic channels – so that you really experience and FEEL that the situation IS as you want it to be. NLP practitioners will tell you that the brain ‘can’t tell the difference’ between what’s real and what you deeply imagine. So if you want to be an amazing basketball player and you imagine over and over again that you are putting the ball through the hoop accurately and precisely each time you throw, the brain takes that as real experience and you become in some senses an expert, just by mental rehearsal. When you find yourself in the actual situation in real life you have all that expertise behind you, and that expertise carries over into the real situation, helping you to perform beautifully. Every sports person the world over is encouraged to see and feel themselves doing what it takes to win and winning, so that they get good at doing just that.
In a similar vein, read any book on the ‘Force of Attraction’ and you are encouraged to do exactly the same thing – to see, feel, hear, even taste and smell the thing you want, in order to attract it into your life. Want to be rich? Imagine what it feels to be rich. Deeply feel being rich. According to the law of the ‘Force of Attraction’ it brings you riches.
At one of Tony Robbins live events (and if you are thinking of going, go, go, go, you’ll love it and learn a lot) he told us about how he taught this principal to the room of attendees and then afterwards a couple stood up and said something like “Fine, we’re going to win the lottery”. Robbins said “No, no, no, it has to be something that you can control, the lottery is out of your control, it won’t work.” “No” the couple insisted, “If it works, it works. We’re going to go home and win the lottery and then come back and tell you about it.” They went home and told all their friends they had won the lottery. They started living it up like as though they had really won. They kept it up till they felt like millionaires. Guess what? They won. They came back to a Robbins event, stood up in the room and told him about their win. “Well I’m very happy for you” he said to them “but it was a fluke”. “No it wasn’t!” They said, “We’ll do it again.” They repeated the process and sure enough, they won again, and went back and told him too. He had to admit they were right.
So what is going on here? Is all this true? Let’s go with the convenient theory. We are seeing, across many different events, from a healing in China, to getting a job, to sports all over the world, to winning the lottery, that what you do with your thoughts and more importantly with your feelings is what attracts events in your life to you and that there is every possibility that you can make things happen, just by thinking about them and feeling them. Again, wow.
Let’s play with this power. You know what I’ve been doing with it? I wouldn’t tell you, but this is a ‘warts and all’ type of blog, so here goes …you’ll laugh, and I told you I was going to keep it real … I’ve been unblocking toilets. Yup. A little somebody in this household persists in chucking in far too much paper, often resulting in a blockage that is annoying to say the least. Usually I discover this when attempting to flush, and the water instead of going down starts to rise. You know the feeling … so my little mental prayer at this point used to be ‘please let it go down, oh please let it go down’ … are you picking up on the desperation? (!!!) The blockage mostly stayed right where it was. Right. Well you could say I have a new technique … mentally the words I say are a variation on those used at the Chinese healing … I say “It is done” over and over again. I envisage the blockage releasing and the water flowing down as it should. I consciously allow the stress that often accompanies these things to flow away, and I invite in the relaxed feeling that would go along with the water flowing as it should. I allow myself to feel at ease as though the water had already started to flow away. And guess what happens … well, the blockages have been clearing. Chance? Maybe … or maybe not.
I’ve started to use this in other aspects of my life (you’ll be pleased to hear). I use those words “It is done”, I envisage the situation as though what I want has already happened, and (I think this is the important bit) I allow myself to FEEL the feelings that go along with the thing I want having already happened. I am getting mixed results at the moment, but some of them make me smile. The other day I was a good half hour late for parents evening, and stuck in traffic. There was no way I was going to get there anywhere near on time. I was sitting there, bumper to bumper, stressing away, till I said to myself “enough is enough, my girl – do the ‘it is done’ thing” so I did. You know what happened? When I got to school I realised that I’d neglected to set my watch back for the change to winter time, and forgotten to mentally minus off the hour because I was in so much of a rush to get there in time. I was half an hour early, and I got to jump the queue and get home far earlier than I should have. What do you make of that?
You can make your own decision on all of this, obviously. I’m choosing the convenient theory. I believe that it is perfectly possible to achieve things with your mind and your feelings. I am so far having to make a strong conscious effort to go with the good feelings instead of the feeling of stress that we are all so trained into – and I think this will improve with practice. I think the key is the feelings bit, and we’ve spoken about this before (Feel Abundant and Get What You Want). What you feel, you get. You know what, even if it doesn’t really work, if it results in me taking every aspect of life calmly and happily, that’s still a powerful and healthy benefit. So I’m going with it wholeheartedly … wanna come?
You know the image that comes to mind? That old story of the little child running around trying to grab a butterfly with his net, getting more and more upset because he can’t catch it. Eventually the child stops trying and just sits down to rest and think of something else to do. And the butterfly flutters down and sits on his knee.
Let’s release all that old stress we used to feel was so necessary, and believe instead that the butterfly will land of its own accord – if we just let it.
Have a magical week 🙂
Young kids are sooooooooooooooo exhausting. They are full time, 24/7, round the clock, always on and you as the parent (or your chosen surrogate!) have to be there to meet their needs whatever the weather, whenever.
I am absolutely out for the count today, you know why? Yesterday my lovely almost seven year old saw some advert on the TV for a programme attempting to verify entities such as werewolves, demons and some other scary thing, I forget what. Now he has this habit of watching or listening to things that scare him (E.g. Roald Dahl’s ‘Witches’) and then afterwards getting really scared for ages. He’s really drawn to all this stuff, then afterwards he pays. He asked me to record the show for him so he could see it. Of course I refused, because it was clearly inappropriate for his age and besides I knew what would happen afterwards. He spent some time trying to win me over and get me to change my mind but I wasn’t budging. He’s a bright boy, so I explained to him that you get more of what you think about in life.
“Does that mean that if I think about werewolves I’ll get werewolves?” he said.
“Well no of course not, werewolves don’t exist” I answered “but if you spend a lot of time thinking about werewolves then you might end up hearing more stories about werewolves or getting more scared of werewolves. You like to watch a lot of kids programs involving fighting and anger ((there are far too many in my opinion, all the kids in his class watch them and so does he … whatever’s the current trend – Bakugan, Yugioh, Ben 10 and on and on, all targeted at his age group)) so do your friends and you end up with a lot of fighting in school, don’t you? Imagine if you chose more things to watch that were funny or interesting …What are some nice things you could think about? You know you can never really make scary thoughts go away, what you have to do is fill your head with nice thoughts instead so that there’s no room for the scary ones anymore.” I made my point and not that long afterwards it was bed time.
Anyway having got to sleep maybe 11.30 myself, 3.34am I am nudged awake and this little somewhat hoarse voice says: “Mummy I’m really thirsty.” “So go downstairs and get a drink” I tell him, and fall asleep again. A few minutes later- “Mummy I’m so thirsty I can’t sleep”. Basically he is too scared to go downstairs himself, because he can’t stop thinking about the advert with the werewolves and demons and all the rest of it. I groggily drag myself out of bed and accompany him to get a drink. After he has his drink he lies there quietly and starts to fall asleep. Then all of a sudden his breathing changes, and I know where he’s going.
“It’s ok,” I tell him “I’m here.”
“Mummy” he says in a small voice “What are some nice things to think about?”
“Who loves you?” I ask him.
“I don’t know …” he says.
“Who loves you enough to get up at 3.30 in the morning and help you get a drink?” I prod.
“You do” he smiles and his voice starts to relax a bit.
“Who else loves you? And who else?” One by one he names all the people in the family, first immediate, then wider. As he does, his body loses its tension and he starts to sound sleepy again.
“There are so many people” he says in wonder.
“Yes there are” I answer “how does it feel to be loved by so many people?” He smiles again, turns over and falls asleep.
It takes me a lot longer, and I don’t fall back into a deep sleep again before I have to get up at 6. Hence my cave woman like demeanour today!
I can’t help thinking though, what a lucky boy he is to learn the skills it takes to redirect your mind before he even reaches seven! Nobody taught me that till I was an adult. What applies to a child equally applies to all of us. You get more of what you think about. Actually, you get more of what you FEEL about. Anything you put emotion into, positive or negative will keep coming back to you. Take a little look through your life and you’ll see it’s true. Look at the types of people you draw in, and the types of situations you find yourself in. Look at the recurrent thoughts that pop into your head. Do you see any patterns? If there are elements of your experience that you’re not too happy about, you can change them. Don’t bother fighting them and pushing them away – that just brings them back. Instead re-direct your focus. Think about what you want. Think about who loves you and who and what you’re passionate about. Bring good things into your life. We are ALL powerful enough to do that for ourselves. If my almost seven year old can do it, then I can do it and so can you.
Wishing you a powerful force of attraction for all things positive this week,
Well this week’s blog is a bit of a challenge. You see every week I write about something I have learned during the week … and this week it just so happens I’m still in the middle of the learning process!!!!
Without going into details, a friend and I recently had a disagreement which left me in a spin. There are the odd few strings still to tie up, so I’m quite wrapped up in it all. I tell you all this because you know ‘life’ happens to everyone, and just because I’m a life coach/hypnotherapist etc it doesn’t make me immune.
Challenges come to everyone the question is, what do you do with them?
So I’ve decided to go find my happy place … I thought you might like to join me, and find your happy place – want to come along for the ride?
You know, right when you’re in the thick of a challenge, and it’s all so murky you feel like you can’t even see straight, I think there’s great value in taking some time to re-align with who you really are, and remind yourself of what really matters to you. In previous blogs we’ve talked about the force of attraction and discovered that ‘what you feel you get’. So if you’re in the middle of a situation where you feel less than fantastic, it’s very important to get an emotional break from that and feel great instead for a bit, so that you can attract the good times again … geddit?
Join me here for a little relaxation – let’s take a little break from our day to day lives for a few minutes, focus on the good things and come back feeling great.
or if that doesn’t work …
And if that doesn’t work … click the youtube button on the bottom right of the you tube video window. For some reason sometimes it plays on the youtube site but not on the wordpress site …
Hope you enjoyed our little relaxation session – I enjoyed recording it for you, and being a part of the experience has certainly made me smile again!
Spend some time with yourself this week and enjoy the process –
Ps: Would love some feedback on the relaxation session – tell me what you think, and share with your friends!
PPs: Please excuse this blog arriving so late in the day … I’ve really enjoyed some technical challenges with the audio today … learned a lot!
You know, being a life coach, I practice what I preach, so every year I sit down, reassess the past year, look at my lifelong goals and plan for the year ahead. The boundaries between one year and the next are a little blurry for me, as being Jewish, I also have a Jewish New Year, so in practice it tends to be a new year ‘period’ that runs from sometime in September until the end of December! So unlike many I’m already thinking about my New Year’s resolutions…
I’ve recently started to have a mantra or slogan for the year – something that’s simple yet digs deep and affects everything I do. Last year it was ‘Compassion, Not Judgement’, which I’ll probably write about at some stage. This year it’s something out of a Rhonda Byrne book …*shuffles off to go find the book and get the quote right*…
Ok, here it is…
“… with anything you don’t love, simply turn away from it without judgement and you won’t include it in your life”
Rhonda Byrne – The Power
Now I know I’m writing for an educated audience here, most of whom are aware of the Force of Attraction – that the more attention you give something the more of it you bring into your life. What I used to have a problem with was the other side of things. It’s all very well focusing on wealth, health and all the other good stuff, but what do you do when something nasty ups and smacks you in the face? Life’s not all rosy-sunny all the time is it? And if you then say to yourself ‘this thing is bad and I hate it’ you’re just giving it all the focus it needs to turn into something bigger. A lot of people will tell you – “focus on the good stuff, don’t focus on the bad stuff” but how do you ‘not focus’ on something? When you ‘not focus’, you’re actually focusing on it!
So those two words in the above sentence – ‘turn away’, really solved a problem for me. When it rains on my parade, or someone disrespects me, or the traffic just won’t move, and it’s a situation I can’t do anything about, I just turn away. Physically if I can, mentally if I’m bodily stuck there. I turn away and find something more productive and enjoyable to think about or do. You can’t fight the rain, force someone to respect you or snap your fingers and magic away the traffic, so what’s the point of resisting it?
Which brings me to another point – Acceptance. I’ve written about this in a previous blog (https://rivkadavid.wordpress.com/2011/08/10/38/ ) so I won’t delve into it here, I mention it only to point out that accepting a thing you can’t change allows you to drop your obsession over it, and get on with your life instead. So I think it’s relevant here too.
With that in mind, here’s my new 3 point plan for dealing with what appear to be adverse circumstances, and at the same time keeping a hygienic ‘Force of Attraction’:
1- If you can do something about it, in whole or part, then Take Action – every little positive action always bears fruit, if not in the situation at hand, then in the future.
2- For things you are currently powerless to change, practice Acceptance (and do please see https://rivkadavid.wordpress.com/2011/08/10/38/ so you understand what I mean here). These things happen, it isn’t personal. Heavy traffic isn’t personal, and neither is the intention of someone who disrespects you – even if they think it is! Their disrespect for you is about their journey. What you do with their disrespect is about your journey and is the only thing you’re responsible for. Actually I would say practice acceptance of the things you do change too – acceptance always comes first – once you accept something challenging, you remove the negative energy that surrounds it, leaving you free to act with a clear head.
3- Then once you have accepted and dealt with what you can, Turn Away from the rest – and Turn Towards something positive. Turn your attention to something creative and constructive. Think about the people you love, and the people who love you. Think about your favourite projects and the things you intend to materialise in your life. If you can physically move away from the challenge, go do something fun – take a walk … scare other adults by going on the swings and be sure to balance on a low brick wall on the way! Go spend some time working to bring good things into your life … make some money, send an email to a friend, take your kids out for ice cream.
Well that’s my plan anyway. Actually it reminds me of The Serenity Prayer (see here for the rest of it http://www.drnadig.com/serenity.htm )
G-d grant me
the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference;
With an action point at the end – Go Do Something Cool!
This year I shall Turn Away from all things unchangeably heavy, and so TURN TOWARDS all the beautiful, wonderful, delightful things – and there are so many your heart could positively burst into flowers at the thought of it!!!
I invite you to join me – let’s all harness the Force of Attraction together and make life even more beautiful!
You know what else? I’d love to hear YOUR mantra for the coming year – come on peeps, give it some thought – and share in the comments section below, so that everyone benefits.
Have a stupendously fantastic week 🙂