Are You a True Friend?

When approaching the ocean it's great to have a hand to hold!

How do you explain friendship to someone who doesn’t believe in the soul? Pairing up to procreate makes sense to cold, old fashioned evolution, as does having a working buddy – someone you hunt with.  But plain, no strings attached friendship? Where does that need for simple companionship come from and why is it sometimes soothed by some individuals that you ‘just feel a link’ with?  You can’t tell me that consciousness is just a state emerging from the complexity of the connections in the human mind, and then try to sell me the idea that that consciousness requires friendship.  Sorry, I don’t buy it. I think true friendship is a soul thing.

Right, philosopher’s hat off, life coach’s hat on.  Friendship was gifted to us, so let’s allow it to serve us and our friends both, as it should. I think we should be giving and receiving things like this:

Just plain fun

Obviously friends are the people to have fun with – if you Google ‘things to do with your friends’ you get a host of silly and fun activities, just for a laugh. Fun and laughter makes the world a happier lighter place, and it is seriously good for your health (I’m not kidding http://www.squidoo.com/normancousins#module12601876)  so are you getting enough Vitamin F, and do you have the right people to share it with? Don’t be too groan up now (the spelling error is intentional) get out there and have some fun!

A sense of connection

We humans, we like to feel that we’re a part of something.  We like to feel like it matters that we exist, that we hold a piece of being that no one else can hold.  That we’re valued for that. How’s your sense of connection with your group of friends?  Do your friends ‘get you’? Do you have that link? Or do you need to find more people that you can feel that connection with? If so, where might you find them?

Loving help and protection

Friends look after each other.  They’ll drive out in the pouring rain, dragging their kids with them if necessary, if your car breaks down and there’s no one else to rescue you.  They’ll bring you a hot soup if you’re down with the flu, or find a few minutes in their crazy busy day to say hi.  And if they are so overwhelmed with life they can’t even call you, they still think about you, and smile.  A friend stands up for you when everyone else is against you – even if you’re wrong. Doesn’t mean they agree with you, but they will do their best not to let anyone hurt you, even so. How well do you take care of your friends?

Whilst having a laugh is important, feeling a part of something also worthy, and giving/receiving protection can change a life, I think these last 3 points are not to be underestimated:

An experience of reflection

The closest people to us are in a way our greatest therapists.  What do I mean by that?  Well what does a therapist do?  Part of the job of a good therapist is to reflect back to us or help us to see the way we relate to the world, so that we can change what doesn’t serve us.  And if you look at the closest people around you, don’t they do the same thing?  Our family and our friends constantly hold up a mirror for us so we can see ourselves.  (www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsGl-XIWM5Y) If you practice anger you will often find angry friends who reveal you to yourself.  If you’re a loving caring person don’t you always see that in the friends around you?  If you will ‘do anything for anyone’ don’t you have friends who do that for you?  What are your friends reflecting back to you these days?

Safe arms in which to have a revelation

Oh those safe arms of friendship!  Someone that you can trust never to desert you, never to intentionally hurt you, someone who deeply cares about you …  what a safe place to face your deepest pains and find your way to a solution!  What a safe place to reveal those little shards and splinters of your truest self as you discover them and piece them together, knowing that your friend will still accept you as you grow and change, and will delight in your discoveries as much as you do.  Do you have a friend that could do this for you?  If not, are you being this type of friend?

Someone to hold you to account

A real friend … doesn’t let you get away with self destruction. They will love you and support you whatever you do, but if you truly start to lose yourself they are the ones who will smack your face if they have to and help you get back on track.  If you tell your true friend you’re seriously dieting they will wrestle the cookie jar from you.  If you tell your true friend that you never, ever want to go out with that kind of girl again, and you mean it, they are the one who will get you by the scruff of the neck and drag you out of there so you don’t get yourself in trouble again.  Sometimes your true friend won’t rescue you, because the value of the lesson learnt in a losing pattern repeated would help you more.  But they also don’t abandon you.  When the house of cards eventually falls down they’re there to help you pick up the pieces and start again, and there to help you build a better house this time.  They might even bite their tongue and avoid saying “I told you so!”  Held anyone to account lately?

 

When you think deeply about the blessing of friendship don’t you just feel lucky to be given that?  Where would we be without our friends? Let’s take a moment of gratitude for friendship now.  When you think of everything your friends have given you, it’s hard not to be grateful.  Poet’s hat on (I wish!!!) This has been going round and round in my head for the last few days so I had to chuck it onto the keyboard for you…

 

To Friends

To friends past:

friends that have come and gone,

friends lost, friends missed,

friends from the old days,

friends who left a hole in our hearts,

friends who taught us something,

friends who were like family,

friends who were brothers and sisters to us,

friends who never let us down,

friends who left a bit of themselves with us always,

and with whom we left a bit of ourselves.

To friends present:

friends we laugh with,

friends who guide us and we guide,

friends we trust with our deepest pains and joys,

friends we learn from and friends we teach.

Friends we have fun with,

friends who are soul mates,

friends who make life a delight,

friends we pledge ourselves to forever.

To friends future:

to the friends we yearn for,

friends not yet met,

friends that would fill the gap,

friends like a piece of soul missing,

friends we would do anything for,

the friends we wait for,

friends we know are already ours,

even though they are not yet there.

The friends we daydream of having

and so draw closer to ourselves.

To all these friends thank you, bless you and much love to you.

May you always bask in pleasant sunshine,

may your path be easy,

may your rewards be plentiful.

May you reach the heights you aspire to,

may you easily recall your life’s desires

and accomplish them with flair.

May love, fulfilment and abundance be your territory,

and may you be happy always.

This blog is for all my friends, past, present and future, and for friends everywhere, with a great deal of gratitude and love.

This week, nurture your friends!

Rivka

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Posted on December 28, 2011, in Inspiration and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Thanks Rivka!

    Many of my friends online have become my best and true friends.A friendship built on trust.

  2. In fact I can.That depends on the reality of the communication and the time to respond.It also depends on the measure of honesty.

  3. Thank you for another inspired blog Rivka!!!

    I count my blessing each and every day and one of my biggest blessings are the incredible, wonderful, amazing friends I have in my life. Your beautiful words reminded me of how lucky I am and have given me a deeper appreciation and gratitude for all that I am and all that I have been blessed to have.

    Thank you!!!

    With love from your friend, Ronit xxx

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