Monthly Archives: November 2011
I’d only popped out of the room for a minute. I returned to find my one and a half year old had climbed all the way up the full size adult ladder, and like a little mini-marvel, was crouched low to avoid the ceiling on top of my son’s cupboard, at the very edge, delightedly messing with his most highly prized belongings!
Now I’m not one of those parents who hysterically screams “Come down Harry, you’ll hurt yourself!!!!!” every time one of my children dares to climb a tree or something – I do like to let them find their feet and push their boundaries. Even so, I caught my breath and had to bite my tongue while I strode over there. I quickly climbed up behind her, and complemented her on her climbing skills. Little monkey!
So I moved the ladder, this time leaning it at the middle on an old cot full of teddies. I figured that if she did go up, she’d hopefully get off at teddy level. I was wrong. You couldn’t keep her away from the thing. Under my watchful, OK slightly proud eye, she quickly got herself to the top again and this time stood on the second to top rung, leaning on the top rung, hands free, completely chilled out, and surveying the toys on top of the nearby shelves to see what she could reach. When she actually reached out and the ladder slid a fraction of a centimeter to the right that was enough for me. I captured my little monkey, put her safely back on terra firma, and put the ladder lying down on the floor till it could be put away … you should have heard the shrieks of protest!
It was a beautiful example of fearlessness (more on her part than mine). Fear is bred into us. If you watch small children they are completely fearless. They have to be. Think about it, you come into this world, totally reliant on others for your very survival, with the world around you making very little sense. With the exception of the feel, smell, sound of your mother everything else is foreign and your senses aren’t even fully developed yet. Once your brain receives information it has very basic compartments to put things in, probably labelled something like ‘me’ and ‘not me’. So we learn about the world around us at the same time as actually developing our mind’s capacity to understand that world. Can you imagine if we approached such a job with fear? We’d be too scared to function.
So where does all this fear come from? Why as adults are so many of us afraid of so much? People say that we need to have a degree of fear in order to keep us away from doing stupid things, like walking off cliffs or sticking our hands in a fire. I don’t agree. We don’t need fear, we need awareness. If you understand that a fire is hot and will damage you if you put your hand in it, then its common sense that dictates you don’t do it, not fear.
I think fear is overrated and overused. I also think it’s a big fat slug of a thing that might take humanity a while or at least a concentrated effort to shake off. It is so bred into us to use fear as a motivator both with ourselves and others. Don’t climb the ladder or you’ll fall off, don’t try something new or you’ll fail and everybody will laugh, don’t try to drive that truck, you’ll probably crash it.
Dontcha get the feeling that humanity is on the verge of something big right now? This is a bit of a soap box topic for me, and I’ll probably blog about it sometime. Personally I believe we’re on the verge of some evolutionary leap in the way we think. There are things we need to grasp such as the idea that there is more than enough for everybody, and that you attract to you the things you feel strongest about. There are also cobwebs we need to clear. Fighting and anger don’t solve problems, they postpone or even create them. You aren’t a successful human being just because you have the most stuff, or because you’re the most outrageous thing on TV. And fear is something that might happen to you if you’re in mortal danger but it shouldn’t make an everyday appearance on the horizon of your mind, every time you’re in touch with the unexpected or the new.
Let’s instead choose acceptance. Let’s choose curiosity and let’s choose a sense of adventure. Babies at their most vulnerable are also at their bravest … by and large they survive into adulthood, so they must be doing something right.
This week if you find yourself putting the frighteners on somebody when you could just help them be aware, then experiment with awareness instead. And if you find yourself afraid of something, examine it closely, get to know it deeply and see how well you can approach it differently.
Onward, fellow adventurers!
“There are always two voices sounding in our ear: the voice of fear, and the voice of confidence. One is the clamor of the senses, the other is the whispering of the higher self.” Charles B. Newcomb
I’m going to get a teensy bit metaphysical on you today, but I’ll do my best to keep it real 🙂
So I’ve been reading Gregg Braden as followers of this blog will know. I’m really enjoying his books though I find I need to take it slow and digest little bits at a time. Suits me, that’s about as much reading time as I take anyway with three little kiddies running around! What impresses me the most about the man is that he has the rare ability to sit on two sides of a fence at the same time and still make sense. He was an earth sciences expert and computer systems designer, then his interest turned to ancient sacred sites and texts, and he now manages to marry spirituality and science so that they get along. I love that, because sometimes I get so frustrated with those two camps not agreeing that I could just bang their heads together! Anyway…
In ‘The Isaiah Effect’ Braden tells of how (within a class of other students) he saw a healing take place on video, filmed at ‘the medicineless hospital’, Huaxia Zhineng Quigong Clinic and Training Centre in the city of Quinhuangdao, China.
Now follows my précis of a few paragraphs of ‘The Isaiah Effect’:
The footage showed a woman lying awake and fully conscious on her back in a clinical setting, wearing loose clothing with her abdomen exposed, and a nurse using an ultrasound wand to scan her stomach. Immediately behind her stood three medics in white jackets, one of whom started to wave his hands over her face and chest. The footage then focused on the ultrasound image where (as the instructor illustrated to them) a bladder cancer was clearly visible.
The three medics stood behind her and with much concentration began to utter over and over again a single word, which translates into English as ‘already gone’ or ‘already accomplished’. The live image of the cancer as shown by the ultrasound began to quiver and with the rest of the image in perfect focus, started to fade from view. In two minutes and forty seconds the tumour had simply disappeared! The ultrasound image of the bladder was then perfectly healthy. The patient looked on with relief, as the three medics and the nurse conferred and agreed that the healing was complete. They bowed to each other at the waist, and the procedure was finished.
Wow. Now we could have a whole debate about whether the video was a fake or not, but you know we’d be ages and we probably wouldn’t reach a solution as neither you nor I actually met the client or saw the video, so how could we judge. Personally when it’s not absolutely certain whether something is true or not, I like to go along with the convenient theory and see where it takes me. The idea that healing is possible and is verifiable by ultrasound is most convenient to me, so I’m going to run with it – wanna come along?
So here we have an example of being able to control the world with your mind. When I say ‘your’, I see no difference between those three medical healer guys and you or I. If they can do it so can we, if we just learn what they do, and do the same. That’s classic NLP for you. If you want to learn to do something, find someone who’s good at it and model what they do – i.e. copy them.
Here’s more classic NLP – or maybe classic psychology – for you and I quote from the book ‘Talk and Grow Rich’ by Ron G Holland:
“The renowned psychologist, William Moulton Marston, used to get people to rehearse in
their mind’s eye. If someone came to him wanting advice on his or her career he used to get
them to visualize themselves in the “position” they required. “Rehearse the future as it is
desired,” he told them. It is imperative that you see your desires clearly in your mind’s eye,
be they material or intangible goals. Reading your desires, parrot fashion, from a list will
bring no results, whatsoever, and it is essential that you visualize every night and every
morning. It is of no use at all to practice only when you feel like it. It is of the essence that
you believe your goals have already materialized and it is similarly important that you do
not think of how you will achieve such ambitions. As Paracelsus, the great physician, said,
“Those who make room for impressions, receive them.”
I read this book years ago, and that phrase has stuck in my mind – “rehearse the future as it is desired”. NLP does a lot of this. Whatever you wish to accomplish, a good NLP practitioner will have you rehearsing in your mind the state of things as you wish them to be, in full colour and detail, using visual, auditory and kinaesthetic channels – so that you really experience and FEEL that the situation IS as you want it to be. NLP practitioners will tell you that the brain ‘can’t tell the difference’ between what’s real and what you deeply imagine. So if you want to be an amazing basketball player and you imagine over and over again that you are putting the ball through the hoop accurately and precisely each time you throw, the brain takes that as real experience and you become in some senses an expert, just by mental rehearsal. When you find yourself in the actual situation in real life you have all that expertise behind you, and that expertise carries over into the real situation, helping you to perform beautifully. Every sports person the world over is encouraged to see and feel themselves doing what it takes to win and winning, so that they get good at doing just that.
In a similar vein, read any book on the ‘Force of Attraction’ and you are encouraged to do exactly the same thing – to see, feel, hear, even taste and smell the thing you want, in order to attract it into your life. Want to be rich? Imagine what it feels to be rich. Deeply feel being rich. According to the law of the ‘Force of Attraction’ it brings you riches.
At one of Tony Robbins live events (and if you are thinking of going, go, go, go, you’ll love it and learn a lot) he told us about how he taught this principal to the room of attendees and then afterwards a couple stood up and said something like “Fine, we’re going to win the lottery”. Robbins said “No, no, no, it has to be something that you can control, the lottery is out of your control, it won’t work.” “No” the couple insisted, “If it works, it works. We’re going to go home and win the lottery and then come back and tell you about it.” They went home and told all their friends they had won the lottery. They started living it up like as though they had really won. They kept it up till they felt like millionaires. Guess what? They won. They came back to a Robbins event, stood up in the room and told him about their win. “Well I’m very happy for you” he said to them “but it was a fluke”. “No it wasn’t!” They said, “We’ll do it again.” They repeated the process and sure enough, they won again, and went back and told him too. He had to admit they were right.
So what is going on here? Is all this true? Let’s go with the convenient theory. We are seeing, across many different events, from a healing in China, to getting a job, to sports all over the world, to winning the lottery, that what you do with your thoughts and more importantly with your feelings is what attracts events in your life to you and that there is every possibility that you can make things happen, just by thinking about them and feeling them. Again, wow.
Let’s play with this power. You know what I’ve been doing with it? I wouldn’t tell you, but this is a ‘warts and all’ type of blog, so here goes …you’ll laugh, and I told you I was going to keep it real … I’ve been unblocking toilets. Yup. A little somebody in this household persists in chucking in far too much paper, often resulting in a blockage that is annoying to say the least. Usually I discover this when attempting to flush, and the water instead of going down starts to rise. You know the feeling … so my little mental prayer at this point used to be ‘please let it go down, oh please let it go down’ … are you picking up on the desperation? (!!!) The blockage mostly stayed right where it was. Right. Well you could say I have a new technique … mentally the words I say are a variation on those used at the Chinese healing … I say “It is done” over and over again. I envisage the blockage releasing and the water flowing down as it should. I consciously allow the stress that often accompanies these things to flow away, and I invite in the relaxed feeling that would go along with the water flowing as it should. I allow myself to feel at ease as though the water had already started to flow away. And guess what happens … well, the blockages have been clearing. Chance? Maybe … or maybe not.
I’ve started to use this in other aspects of my life (you’ll be pleased to hear). I use those words “It is done”, I envisage the situation as though what I want has already happened, and (I think this is the important bit) I allow myself to FEEL the feelings that go along with the thing I want having already happened. I am getting mixed results at the moment, but some of them make me smile. The other day I was a good half hour late for parents evening, and stuck in traffic. There was no way I was going to get there anywhere near on time. I was sitting there, bumper to bumper, stressing away, till I said to myself “enough is enough, my girl – do the ‘it is done’ thing” so I did. You know what happened? When I got to school I realised that I’d neglected to set my watch back for the change to winter time, and forgotten to mentally minus off the hour because I was in so much of a rush to get there in time. I was half an hour early, and I got to jump the queue and get home far earlier than I should have. What do you make of that?
You can make your own decision on all of this, obviously. I’m choosing the convenient theory. I believe that it is perfectly possible to achieve things with your mind and your feelings. I am so far having to make a strong conscious effort to go with the good feelings instead of the feeling of stress that we are all so trained into – and I think this will improve with practice. I think the key is the feelings bit, and we’ve spoken about this before (Feel Abundant and Get What You Want). What you feel, you get. You know what, even if it doesn’t really work, if it results in me taking every aspect of life calmly and happily, that’s still a powerful and healthy benefit. So I’m going with it wholeheartedly … wanna come?
You know the image that comes to mind? That old story of the little child running around trying to grab a butterfly with his net, getting more and more upset because he can’t catch it. Eventually the child stops trying and just sits down to rest and think of something else to do. And the butterfly flutters down and sits on his knee.
Let’s release all that old stress we used to feel was so necessary, and believe instead that the butterfly will land of its own accord – if we just let it.
Have a magical week 🙂
Young kids are sooooooooooooooo exhausting. They are full time, 24/7, round the clock, always on and you as the parent (or your chosen surrogate!) have to be there to meet their needs whatever the weather, whenever.
I am absolutely out for the count today, you know why? Yesterday my lovely almost seven year old saw some advert on the TV for a programme attempting to verify entities such as werewolves, demons and some other scary thing, I forget what. Now he has this habit of watching or listening to things that scare him (E.g. Roald Dahl’s ‘Witches’) and then afterwards getting really scared for ages. He’s really drawn to all this stuff, then afterwards he pays. He asked me to record the show for him so he could see it. Of course I refused, because it was clearly inappropriate for his age and besides I knew what would happen afterwards. He spent some time trying to win me over and get me to change my mind but I wasn’t budging. He’s a bright boy, so I explained to him that you get more of what you think about in life.
“Does that mean that if I think about werewolves I’ll get werewolves?” he said.
“Well no of course not, werewolves don’t exist” I answered “but if you spend a lot of time thinking about werewolves then you might end up hearing more stories about werewolves or getting more scared of werewolves. You like to watch a lot of kids programs involving fighting and anger ((there are far too many in my opinion, all the kids in his class watch them and so does he … whatever’s the current trend – Bakugan, Yugioh, Ben 10 and on and on, all targeted at his age group)) so do your friends and you end up with a lot of fighting in school, don’t you? Imagine if you chose more things to watch that were funny or interesting …What are some nice things you could think about? You know you can never really make scary thoughts go away, what you have to do is fill your head with nice thoughts instead so that there’s no room for the scary ones anymore.” I made my point and not that long afterwards it was bed time.
Anyway having got to sleep maybe 11.30 myself, 3.34am I am nudged awake and this little somewhat hoarse voice says: “Mummy I’m really thirsty.” “So go downstairs and get a drink” I tell him, and fall asleep again. A few minutes later- “Mummy I’m so thirsty I can’t sleep”. Basically he is too scared to go downstairs himself, because he can’t stop thinking about the advert with the werewolves and demons and all the rest of it. I groggily drag myself out of bed and accompany him to get a drink. After he has his drink he lies there quietly and starts to fall asleep. Then all of a sudden his breathing changes, and I know where he’s going.
“It’s ok,” I tell him “I’m here.”
“Mummy” he says in a small voice “What are some nice things to think about?”
“Who loves you?” I ask him.
“I don’t know …” he says.
“Who loves you enough to get up at 3.30 in the morning and help you get a drink?” I prod.
“You do” he smiles and his voice starts to relax a bit.
“Who else loves you? And who else?” One by one he names all the people in the family, first immediate, then wider. As he does, his body loses its tension and he starts to sound sleepy again.
“There are so many people” he says in wonder.
“Yes there are” I answer “how does it feel to be loved by so many people?” He smiles again, turns over and falls asleep.
It takes me a lot longer, and I don’t fall back into a deep sleep again before I have to get up at 6. Hence my cave woman like demeanour today!
I can’t help thinking though, what a lucky boy he is to learn the skills it takes to redirect your mind before he even reaches seven! Nobody taught me that till I was an adult. What applies to a child equally applies to all of us. You get more of what you think about. Actually, you get more of what you FEEL about. Anything you put emotion into, positive or negative will keep coming back to you. Take a little look through your life and you’ll see it’s true. Look at the types of people you draw in, and the types of situations you find yourself in. Look at the recurrent thoughts that pop into your head. Do you see any patterns? If there are elements of your experience that you’re not too happy about, you can change them. Don’t bother fighting them and pushing them away – that just brings them back. Instead re-direct your focus. Think about what you want. Think about who loves you and who and what you’re passionate about. Bring good things into your life. We are ALL powerful enough to do that for ourselves. If my almost seven year old can do it, then I can do it and so can you.
Wishing you a powerful force of attraction for all things positive this week,
Well this week’s blog is a bit of a challenge. You see every week I write about something I have learned during the week … and this week it just so happens I’m still in the middle of the learning process!!!!
Without going into details, a friend and I recently had a disagreement which left me in a spin. There are the odd few strings still to tie up, so I’m quite wrapped up in it all. I tell you all this because you know ‘life’ happens to everyone, and just because I’m a life coach/hypnotherapist etc it doesn’t make me immune.
Challenges come to everyone the question is, what do you do with them?
So I’ve decided to go find my happy place … I thought you might like to join me, and find your happy place – want to come along for the ride?
You know, right when you’re in the thick of a challenge, and it’s all so murky you feel like you can’t even see straight, I think there’s great value in taking some time to re-align with who you really are, and remind yourself of what really matters to you. In previous blogs we’ve talked about the force of attraction and discovered that ‘what you feel you get’. So if you’re in the middle of a situation where you feel less than fantastic, it’s very important to get an emotional break from that and feel great instead for a bit, so that you can attract the good times again … geddit?
Join me here for a little relaxation – let’s take a little break from our day to day lives for a few minutes, focus on the good things and come back feeling great.
or if that doesn’t work …
And if that doesn’t work … click the youtube button on the bottom right of the you tube video window. For some reason sometimes it plays on the youtube site but not on the wordpress site …
Hope you enjoyed our little relaxation session – I enjoyed recording it for you, and being a part of the experience has certainly made me smile again!
Spend some time with yourself this week and enjoy the process –
Ps: Would love some feedback on the relaxation session – tell me what you think, and share with your friends!
PPs: Please excuse this blog arriving so late in the day … I’ve really enjoyed some technical challenges with the audio today … learned a lot!